I don’t know where to go from here

I’ve been here before. Questioning my relationship. Wondering how long one fights til it’s over. Wondering how long is long enough. Wondering if it’s considered giving up after 3 years. After 3 years, not much has changed. After 3 years, his life is still the same. You wouldn’t even know I was a part of it. My life on the other hand, it’s changed so much but yet it hasn’t. I’m living 2 lives. One week, I’m with him and my kids are with their dad. The other week, I’m with my kids and I don’t see him. He doesn’t stay over. He doesn’t stop by. He might call on his way to work.

My life is the same as it was years ago when I was unhappily married. It’s the same issues, just with someone new. There’s no trust. There’s no honesty. There’s no communication. If I want to know what’s going on his life, I have to ask his kids or his co-workers. They always know first. He doesn’t even think to tell me. I’m not important enough to know. I’ve never been important to him. I’m just here. For what, I have no idea. I’m just here. Taking up space.

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