I’ve been here before. Questioning my relationship. Wondering how long one fights til it’s over. Wondering how long is long enough. Wondering if it’s considered giving up after 3 years. After 3 years, not much has changed. After 3 years, his life is still the same. You wouldn’t even know I was a part of it. My life on the other hand, it’s changed so much but yet it hasn’t. I’m living 2 lives. One week, I’m with him and my kids are with their dad. The other week, I’m with my kids and I don’t see him. He doesn’t stay over. He doesn’t stop by. He might call on his way to work.
My life is the same as it was years ago when I was unhappily married. It’s the same issues, just with someone new. There’s no trust. There’s no honesty. There’s no communication. If I want to know what’s going on his life, I have to ask his kids or his co-workers. They always know first. He doesn’t even think to tell me. I’m not important enough to know. I’ve never been important to him. I’m just here. For what, I have no idea. I’m just here. Taking up space.